365 poems: October 9th, 2014

To Mom

If someday when I’m older

I have children of my own,

I hope I’m as good a mother as my mom is.

I hope I teach them to be patient

and teach them to be kind,

help them make their own decisions

but learn the rules of following,

tell them it’s okay to be alone

but that they don’t have to be.

And it’s not the most desirable,

but when I wake up at 12:30 AM to a sick child

and life shows the worst that it can be,

I want to be able to give them a hug

and dry off their tears

and show life the best that it can be.


365 Poems: January 27th, 2014

Midwestern Storm

Why is it so cold?

I should be smiling;

I should be happy,

but my heart is frozen between all the lies,

all the doubts,

all the fears and anxiousness.

Why do I do this?

Why can’t I just be me?

I’m crouched in an iceblock

in a midwestern storm.

Why is it so cold?

Why am I so cold?

Growing Up on “A Series of Unfortunate Events”

Some kids grew up on Harry Potter. Others grew up on Narnia or the Hobbit, maybe Little House on the Prairie or Magic Tree-house books. Me? I grew up on A Series of Unfortunate Events.


I first started reading the series in 3rd grade, when my small private school library only had Book 9, “The Carnivorous Carnival”. In my two years at that school I managed to read every book in the library, but I didn’t remember any of the others as much as I did that one. If you have never read A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket, it is a story about three children with extraordinary talents who live a happy life until their parents are killed in a strange and mysterious fire. Throughout the story the children are sent from relative to relative as they try to escape from Count Olaf, an evil man who desperately wants their fortune, and solve the mystery of their parent’s death.

If you have read this book series, then you will understand my saying that these books are not written like a normal children’s book. At all. Lemony Snicket (in real life known as Daniel Handler) writes in a way that is strange and dark and funny, using difficult vocabulary and complete utter nonsense to make the books humorous, while in reality A Series of Unfortunate Events is as grizzly as its title.

“Books about law are notorious for being very long, very dull, and very difficult to read. This is one reason many lawyers make heaps of money. The money is an incentive – the word ‘incentive’ here means ‘an offered reward to persuade you to do something you don’t want to do’ – to read long, dull, and difficult books.” – Lemony Snicket,The Bad Beginning”

“If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.” – Lemony Snicket, “The Wide Window”

Its thirteen books are filled with hundreds of terrible things happening to three innocent children who have never done anything to deserve so much misfortune. They watch friends get taken away and family members die, only to be sucked back into their vicious cycle with more questions than answers, and yet Daniel Handler’s writing makes you completely forget you are reading a depressing book at all.

The reason I am writing this post is because I owe a lot to Mr. Daniel Handler and his books because they have taught me so much. I think that reading these books has turned me into the writer I am today and also made me what I call a “realistic optimist”. Unlike many other books we read as children, A Series of Unfortunate Events teaches us that life doesn’t always have a happy ending.

“If you enjoy books with happy endings then you are better off reading some other book.” – Lemony Snicket, “The Bad Beginning”

In fact, there are rarely any happy endings. Bad things can happen to good people and good things can happen to bad people. Grown-ups will believe that children are silly and wrong even when they may be telling the truth. Most importantly, these books teach us that not all questions to be answered. I have read these books over and over again and also  All the Wrong Questions, Lemony Snicket’s new addition to series, and no matter how many times I read the books I leave them with more questions then answers. And that is what is so great about them. It’s this idea that life is one great big mystery and that strange and unfortunate things happen, but we can get through it as long as we stick with the people that love us and keep moving forward.

“Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.” – Lemony Snicket “The Beatrice Letters”

Giving the Notebook its Justice

As a writer, you end up carrying a notebook around a lot; just in case the once-in-a-while inspirational bomb goes off in your head and you can’t fit it all on a napkin. This is also true for sketchers and architects and other people of the artsy type. Basically, the creative mind is sometimes too full to hold all of its great ideas. Sometimes it needs to be made into a physical thing, and that is where the notebook comes in. For some writers and other artists, our notebook becomes more that just a helpful tool. It becomes a necessity; practically a piece of our lives. We are sometimes afraid to show others our work because we are afraid of letting them look into a deeper part of ourselves. I usually end up carrying a notebook around with me even when I know I will not have time to write anything, because when I am holding it I feel like I can think more creatively. It becomes a part of me.

Of course, notebooks eventually run out of pages. Today that is what happened to me. Today my Japanese Lilly “Piccadilly” notebook that I bought at Half Price Books in April was finally filled. Every time I fill up a notebook, on its last few pages I like to compile all the things that I have written in it, sort of giving the notebook its justice and thanking it for all the creative things I was able to put on its pages (yes; I know I’m crazy). Anyway, I’ve decided I will share it with all of you. The contents of this post is half a line from more than 70 writings (yes I count) that I have done in this notebook. I hope someone fonds it interesting besides me (though probably not). Either way, here it is.

A Single Line From Every Writing in This Notebook- April 14 to December 11, 2013

strange moments in my life

half-staff flag

The “school” was big

to be taken by a dream

there is no perfect society

“Ahoy Captain Kilmurry!”

to the world, to the night

It is your story after all.

madness is the only way

different islands of time

The call her Special

I’ll make me a river.

after so many years of lies

She’s the enemy.

I am an artist.

There’s is left to know.

It was a fun two years.

He became the hound;

and you know that I know

not many years before retirement

be afraid of what he could do

a large wolf now skulks

no wolf exists

the frills not hiding as well

a cold-blooded killer

I was always quiet.

I’m the loudest person

“I want to go to London,”

a little boy who likes the color purple

a story of Robin Hood and Jack Frost

fascinated by old things

that fall out of reach

hate how strong you’ve become

beginning of my resistance

all the hard questions

A notebook. A pencil.

There are so many voices

So maybe I’m still standing here.

only the mad would ride them

And he was wonderful.

there was always a reason to run.

Observation and deduction Adison;

the margins of an advice column

But we like it that way.

a man who never stops running,

the ones that I can’t save.

And as triplets we dared you to dream.


You’re just a machine.

What year is it?

“Present and accounted for mam!”

as normal as possible

went down the wrong path

those kinds of people

a day job?

Miss ‘Galileo Verde’,”

about starving the beast?

The boy who was afraid of falling.

what then will you do?


The man is the mystery.

your surface? Your slave?

I would say yes.

You kept playing.

He wants to talk to me.

I’m dying and I’m scared,

I said to my reflection

Why Fandom is a Religion

Hello again everyone! I am hoping that you are having a happy Halloween and a merry Samhain! Things have been very busy for me the past couple weeks with school and finals, but I am coming back today with a post that isn’t actually about Halloween; it’s just been something I’ve been thinking about. Anyway, here it is.

Why Fandom is a Religion

Fandom: (noun) the community that surrounds a TV show/movie/book etc.

Religion: (noun) a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

I wonder if people like Jesus and Buddha knew that they were going to change the world. When they started out teaching people about Gods and Goddesses and the wonders of nature, did they ever think about their legacies? Did they ever realize that their teachings would be followed long after they left the world; that someday they would be household names? When they discovered a new way to look at the world and decided to teach others about it, did they think that it would really catch on? Did it start out as their life’s work, or did just begin as a job or a hobby; a dream that decided to come true? People today think of the old prophets as perfect people; teachers with no human flaws that came to help the world. I don’t think this though; I think that people like Jesus and Buddha were ordinary folks just like us who believed in something crazy, and they decided to tell people about it and see how long it would last.

In a way, prophets are like authors; because authors never start out thinking they will become famous. The writers of screenplays and poems and books start out with an idea, and that idea becomes a job or a hobby or just a way to pass the time. Some writers go away unremembered, but then there are others; there are others that create names for themselves. They find a way to get their ideas out into the world. Some of them do become household names; some of their books stay in the public eye for decades, even centuries. There are those writers like Edgar Allen Poe and Arthur Conan Doyle and J.K. Rowling that put us in a whole new world and give us a new way of thinking; they give us stories that teach us lessons about life and our great big universe. And it’s not just books either; even TV shows and movies: Doctor Who, Star Trek, The Lord of the Rings. These stories dare us to think differently. So, in a way, authors are like Jesus and Buddha. They are the prophets.

So if authors are prophets, that must mean that readers are followers. There are those people who have read a book once or seen an episode of a TV show. They hear about these passing fads from their friends and they like the stories; they think that they are interesting. But then there are other people; others who don’t just read the book once; they read the book ten times. There are others who don’t just watch the episode; they memorize it. They are the ones that turn books and movies into household names. These people are known as fans (or fangirls, if you are fluent in the ancient language of Tumblr) and they are part of what is called a fandom. And this is why fandom is a religion.

If you think about, the two are quite similar. What do people in a fandom do? What do people in a religion do? Well, for starters they worship the great leaders and teachers; these being the authors. They read stories about them and the amazing things they did, and they learn about the lessons they teach. People in fandoms and religions take these lessons to heart, putting these teachings in everything they do. When a friend is in trouble, they comfort them and tell them that everything is going to be okay, because long ago the same happened to someone else in their story and they pulled through it. To make it even more convincing they quote important lessons that they have learned from their prophets.

Worried about a test? “The Force will be with you, always.”

Feeling depressed? “900 years of time and space and I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important.”

Has a loved one died? “People don’t really go to heaven when they die. They’re taken to a special room and burned.” (Okay on second thought it’s not really a good idea to quote Sherlock.)

What do fandoms and religions also have in common? The people in such group like to (usually) tell everyone what they believe, so they will advertise it by wearing t-shirts and jewelry and liking photos on Facebook. They will live by the lessons of the prophets, and they will, of course, try to convert others to join them. Some of the convertees will look at your world with excitement in their eyes, while others will slowly back away and leave you to your thoughts. Some will insult other’s beliefs, and sometimes there will be political arguments (especially when concerning an OTP) but hopefully everything will work out in the end. So really, fandom is like a religion. Maybe someday in the future those stories will be more than just stories; maybe someday they will grow into kingdoms, and they were all started by someone who just had a different way of thinking.

So what will you do now that you have looked into our lives? What will you think now that you know our stories are more than just stories? Will you come and join us and see what all the fuss is about in the great church of Tumblr? Will you leave us to go about our business? Will you persecute us; taking away our rights because of our witches and aliens? I don’t think you will though. I think you will do what you have always done. You will just stare at us in the background, watching us be buried in our holy books about magic and spaceships on the bus; at the park; in the doctor’s office. Some of you may just look away without thinking too much about us, while others will stare at us in confusion. We won’t see you though. Instead, we will be in our own worlds; learning about places and people that are just a bit out of the ordinary. And you may stare at us, but I don’t think you will mind. After all, you with think, that is their world. It doesn’t hurt me or affect me. I can stay out of it and think what I think, because people have the right to believe in silly things. That is how it has always been with books.

If only this were true for other religions.

Happy Halloween Everyone!

(Definitions provided by urbandictionary.com and dictionary.reference.com)

(Quotes used are from Star Wars, Doctor Who, and Sherlock)

Did you think I was something you could hunt?

Hello everyone!

A few weeks ago, we started reading the book “Lord of the Flies”, which I had heard about but didn’t really know anything about. Apparently everyone has to read it sooner or later. Anyway, the book started out very boring; just some kids on an island trying to survive. There was Ralph and Piggy and Simon and Jack and everything seemed to be going well. Everyone in class thought the book was quite bland. Of course, if you have read “Lord of the Flies”, you know that the ending of the story is anything but ordinary. If not, there might be some spoilers. Anyway, by Chapter 9 the book becomes a huge dark and depressing story about the world we live in and how human nature will always turn even the most perfect society into a dark evil world. I just finished the book today, and I have to say that no one in my class expected what would happen in the last few chapters.

Also, both of my favorite characters died, so it was a bit bleak.

Today people were talking over lunch how the book was so dark and terrible and how they hated it, and I did agree with some of their points, but I almost have to say that I liked the book. Mostly I liked William Golding’s point of view and the theme. I mean, there are many days that we do not want to read about how evil human nature is, but isn’t that what we learn in the end anyway? Isn’t that what we have to figure out sooner or later? Every dystopian novel; every story with any perfect society shows us that there can never be a perfect society. There is no way that there can never be greed or hate or fear or anger because that is just human nature. “Lord of the Flies” gives us this theme everywhere. There is a point in the story when the little kids on the island think that there is a monster; some type of beast that is going to hurt them. Throughout the book they try to hunt the beast, but in the end Simon figures it out. When Simon is talking to the Lord of the Flies, it tells him, “…I’m the Beast… Fancy thinking the Beast was something you could hunt and kill!… You knew, didn’t you? I’m part of you?” There is always a beast, but it’s not a monster. It’s just us. It’s just human nature; it’s a truth that comes up in everything. William Golding just put it into a story that affects us more than any other.

I remember one night I had watched this movie called “Chronicle” with my family, which is about these teenagers who get superpowers. In the end (Spoilers!), one of the kids basically goes insane with power. It’s not because he can’t control it; it’s not because it’s taking him over; it’s because he finally has the chance to hurt everything that hurt him; everyone that bullied him. After watching this movie, I was a little frightened, and as I sat in bed I wondered why I was frightened. It began as a happy movie, much like “Lord of the Flies” did. They were just messing around, but then it became something much much darker. “Why am I afraid?” I thought.

And I have realized why these stories are so frightening; why they affect us so much and why we hate them. They are frightening because you realize that there are no monsters like the ones in the movies. There isn’t a frightening creature that hides in the dark. There isn’t a mythical creature that will disappear if you pull up the covers and sleep with the light on. The monsters in the world are the ones that hide in plain sight; the ones that you can’t run away from; the ones that live inside you and everyone around you that can destroy you in a blink of an eye, and you can’t run from them. The scariest monster of all is the one that lives inside you and just waits until you are weak enough; just waits until it can jump out and take over you.

Okay, I know that was all bleak and depressing, but that was just what was on my mind. By the way, if you haven’t read “Lord of the Flies”, you should. It’s bleak, but it’s good.

My Inspirations

Okay, so for today’s post I’ve decided to put down some quotes. Some inspirations of my life.

You see, at our school you always have to carry around something called an “agenda”. It’s supposed to just be a notebook that you write down your homework in, but it seems to be more like a passport or a driver’s license at schools now. You cannot go anywhere without your agenda without getting sent to the principal’s office or something worse. It’s completely crazy. It’s also crazy that our teachers always wonder why they get so torn up and covered in gum wrappers and doodles and duck tape by the end of the year. Well anyway, in our agendas each week there is an inspirational quote in the top corner of the page. They usually say things like “Don’t give up,” and “Keep going”. I guess they just put them there to try and get us up in the morning, but no one ever reads them. I try to, but they say the same thing every week and I never know who said them. So, at the beginning of this year, I started to put my own quotes in my agenda. I would cross out the old quote and write down something that I said or something that someone else said that I actually thought was important. I’ve written one down for every week of school (besides vacation). Now it is summer and because we only have 3 days of school, my agenda is completely filled up with these quotes.

So, I am going to share with you my agenda quotes to see if you are inspired by them, or if they are just boring and you’ll scribble all over them. It doesn’t matter; I have done both many times.

“Build a bridge, get over it, then tear it down so you are not tempted to cross it again.” ~ Brittany  (an old friend)

“Wings do not help you soar; feathers do. Anyone can be born with wings, but the ones who have the patience to let their feathers grow have really learned the way to fly.” ~ Me

“Who knew that so much could change in one 3-day weekend?” ~ My friend Austin

“I hope you dance in the rain without care. I hope you learn to love that thunder.” ~ Me

“As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.” ~Henry David Thoreau

“Give me a reason. Let me know. Whisper the words. Say it. Show me you care. Speak to me. Say the words you see in front of you. Answer the question. Speak your mind. Don’t be afraid. Tell me you understand. Never let them think you don’t have a say. I know you can say it. Tell me you love me!” ~Me

“When you get attacked at your lunch table for gummy worms, you know you’re in the ALP’s class.” ~Me

“I love my sight, my sound, and my knowledge.” ~ Me

“I used to believe in forever but forever’s too good to be true. I’ve hung a wish on every star. It hasn’t done much good so far. I can only dream of you wherever you are.” ~Winnie the Pooh’s Grand Adventure “Wherever You Are”

“Beauty and love can’t exist without destruction.” ~Me

“I can see the lights in the distance trembling in the dark and the fire. Candles and lanterns are dancing; dancing the songs of All Souls’ Night.” ~ Loreena Mckennit “All Souls’ Night”

“How much longer can I last? How much longer can I wait for the world to hold back instead of always running away? The first thing I ever learned is that silence isn’t free so I’m holding onto words that have never seen the real me.” ~ Me, “First”

“I’m tired of losing. I’m tired of news. I’m tired of words that are never true but most importantly I’m tired and sick of always being second-best to you. It’s not the fact that you did wrong. It’s the fact that I even went along with so many lies and truths. I’ve been fighting world wars for you.” ~Me “There’s a War”

“First we call names, then we call shots. Two separate lives all tied up in knots. Unraveled they come, no one to be saved. A weapon, a choice, a chance to be brave.” ~ Dust’s Final Poem “The Nameless Book”

“Do not forget…” ~Me

“What would you do if you only had one chance?” ~ Me

“Words are within our grasp. do we let go or do we fly heavily with the weight of what we know?”~ SJ Tucker “Ravens in the Library”

“Here comes the sun!” ~ The Beatles

“I would take a chance with fate but there are debts that one can’t pay. I would go and fly up tot he moon but I can’t say I would stay. ‘The world is cruel; deal,’ we say as we raise our glasses high, because we don’t know where we’re flying and we really don’t know why.” ~ Me, Midnight Flight to Nowhere

“Well-behaved women seldom make history,” ~ Laurel Thatcher Ulritch

“How do you life your life when no one is watching?” ~ Sign on my English teacher’s door

“Everyone has a song; they just need someone to sing it. Everyone has a life; they just need to learn how to live it. But when screams are screamed for one who means most, and they are not there to hear it, then there is no point in this crazy world, and that is why we all fear it.” ~ Dust “Left for Never”

“Hate looks like everyone else until it smiles.” ~ Tahereh Mafi “Shatter Me”

“There’s just too much that time cannot erase…” ~ Evanescence “My Immortal”

“People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly time-y wimey… stuff.” ~ The 10th Doctor “Blink”

“It takes more guts to sit with an enemy than to be one, but people seem to mix that up a lot.” ~Young Angel “Left for Never”

“We all have our little underground forests.” ~ Angel “Left for Never”

“You. Are. Free. To do. Whatever. You want. To do.” ~ Richard Bach “Illusions”

“I stopped believing there was a power of good and a power of evil that were outside us. And I came to believe that good and evil are names for what people do, not for what they are.”  ~ Philip Pullman, “The Amber Spyglass”

“I’m looking to the sky to save me; looking for a sign of life; looking for something to help me burn out bright. I’m looking for a complication; looking cause I’m tired of trying. Make my way back home when I learn to fly.” ~ Foo Fighters “Learn to Fly”

“I’m living for the weekend. I’m living for the night. I’m living for every day that I have left behind. It’s alright. I’m living for the good times. I’m living for the bad, but when that Friday comes I’ll laugh and run and that sun will be shining. I’m living for the weekend.” ~ Me, “Living for the Weekend”

“White winter trees covered in snow. I don’t mind… I don’t know. But I never meant to say… any of those things. Words can sound so cruel when you speak before you think. I was wrong.” ~ The Staves “Winter Trees”

“Torture them. It builds character.” ~ ‘The Detective’ “MY D3AR WATSON”

“We’re all made here, and it’s okay. ” ~ SJ Tucker “Cheshire Cat”

“Or does it explode?” ~  A Raisin in the Sun “A Dream Deferred”

“CE-LA-BRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON! Let’s celebrate!” ~Some song I don’t care because it’s summer vacation!

Click back next time for more topics from a real girl’s thoughts, where no name comes between what’s in your head and what’s out of it.