A lot of people told me I’m smart
when I showed them my AP English grade.
And I kind of had to laugh to myself
because I haven’t been feeling especially smart.
I can say that I’m bright–
for I’m able to understand literary texts
and marvel at history with ease.
And perhaps I was born with the ability
to focus and figure things out more than others…
But if I was really that smart,
I would’ve figured out that English and history were old news.
I would’ve been able to state my intended major
without the comment, “You’re not planning on being rich, are you?”
I would’ve stayed away from the interest of art classes
(more commonly known as means of suicide)
and I would’ve worked on more practical things
like imaginary numbers
Actually I was never fully encouraged to work hard on anything.
Because I was smart.
Because I got it.
But I am not smart.
I am only smart in that I already knew what I was learning.
I am only smart in that I don’t really have to try.
I am only smart if the number of points on an obscure test is high.
I am only smart if life works the exact same way that school does.
I am smart because I think it’s easy.
I am smart because they think it’s hard.
I am smart because I
And turns out, that’s not enough.